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What does it mean to elaborate?
In writing, when you elaborate, you add more detail to what has already been said. You might provide the reader:
- Reason = a cause; an explanation or justification for an action or event (WHY or HOW)
- Detail = an individual feature, fact, or item (WHO or WHAT or WHERE or WHEN)
- Fact = an important and accurate piece of information used as evidence (WHAT)
- Quote = dialogue from a character or a summary of what was said
- Number = statistics or data that are important for the reader to understand (HOW MANY)
- Anecdote = short amusing or interesting story about a person or event to make a point (WHAT or WHY)
- Summary = brief description of the main points of an event (WHO or WHAT or WHERE or WHEN WHY or HOW)
- Example = something that represents or illustrates a larger idea (WHO or WHAT)
Shop for the right topic and details.
I failed the Graduate Writing Exam the first time I took it at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo.
There. I said it. I failed it.
Prior to taking that test, I had already written a 70-page senior thesis on how shrimp farmers were destroying mangrove forests in Central America and received a letter grade of “A,” but I failed to write an essay about a powerful memory in my life.
I failed because I was nervous about the test. I failed because I was more concerned about passing the test than sharing a memory in writing. I failed because I rambled and wrote and didn’t elaborate on what was important in the essay. I hadn’t found a topic I wanted to write about or the details that really mattered.
Slow down. Organize your thoughts.
When given a narrative writing prompt, consider (that means think about) the prompt and what it’s asking. The prompt for this Popplet and piece of writing below asks the writer to relate (that means share) a powerful memory.
This time I thought about what I wanted to write about. I thought about what was important to me and that I wanted to share. I had to dig deep and get personal.
This time, I shopped for the BIG MAIN IDEA I liked: seeing a bear and her cubs.
I shopped for the SMALLER MAIN IDEAS I wanted to share: I was alone; I was excited; I was thankful. I elaborated on the topic by shopping for reasons, details, facts, quotes, numbers, anecdotes, summarized information that could bring this piece of writing to life.
This time before I started writing, I thought about how the thoughts fit together. I used a Popplet to group my main ideas and details first.
After mapping my ideas, it looked like a 4-paragraph piece of writing with an introduction and three body paragraphs. I think my conclusion will be the last smaller main idea “I was thankful” and include it in my last body paragraph. It’s okay if you change the plan, but at least think about what you want to say before you start drafting.
It’s okay if you change your writing plan, but at least think about what you want to say before you start drafting.
Next step: assemble your first draft, and DO NOT let yourself fall in love with your words and “marry them.” Just “date” them at this point. You’ll need to revise your writing by getting feedback from others.
Thoughts
Here’s my first draft. I’m not totally sure I need this much introduction. It feels like I might be telling a big (maybe too long?) story as compared to sharing a powerful memory like the prompt asks for. I might need to cut some of the introduction even though I like it a LOT!
Thoughts
Here’s my second draft. I asked my 6th-grade daughter to read it, using our REVISION PROTOCOL. She pointed out the writing seemed clear and not really confusing, but she did feel there were too many details. Okay. Good to know. I was feeling that way, too.
I kept my opening line and cut a lot of the not important introduction out. It was about the memory and not about everything around the memory. This starts faster and gets to the point quicker I think.