eettalfonso

35 Comments

  1. Black.
    I felt as if he had sneaked into our house and blind folded us then took over the light. I felt like I ‘d fallen into a pitch – black pit. My heart began to race as I couldn ‘t see anything.

  2. Have you ever experienced a power outage during a terrible storm, especially when there is another child in your house? It all started when I was doing my homework. While I did my homework in the kitchen, I could hear the fat raindrops splatter on my roof. Suddenly, the house got so dark that I couldn’t even see my hands. I heard a cry from my brother.

    • I like the sound of “fat raindrops” splattering. Hope your brother is ok! Continue with your story. It has an interesting intro!

  3. Lightening.
    Lights started flickering, it was like everything is in slow motion. I felt dizzy from the way I was moving and I was about to tip over. Suddenly, the lights stopped flickering and it became pitch black. We couldn’t see anything and crashed into each other several times.

  4. Whoosh! I was doing my homework and then the lights turned off. I felt something cold blowing on my feet. Nobody knew it was coming in the first place. I didn’t know what to do so my dad got a flashlight and tried to find my. Suddenly, I heard the door open and it was my dad.

  5. I could feel it. Covering me like a blanket. It was the darkness.Suddenly,we saw a shadow down the hallway but we couldn’t see anything. The first one who screamed in panic was Derek. It was so dark. I couldn’t see anything. We had a blackout.

    • I like the simile about covering like a blanket. Everyone sounds so panicked! Great beginning.

  6. The Backout:

    During a cold windy day I felt as if my eyes were blinded, I couldn’t think for a second. As I was confused I heard shrieks for help as if the shrieks were like mice. While I heard shrieks for help my mom lit her thick light of candles. My eyes opened wide like as if I was entering into the sun. Magically a strong heavy light appeared, it was like going into the heavens.

  7. It sounded like a small door slam. But it wasn’t. Boom! The tv and light turned off. The wire must’ve popped. But nothing seemed wrong when we checked it. My brother said “It has to be we have a … blackout.

    • I like the use of onomatopoeia. Slam. Boom. I would rewrite your what your brother says as:

      “It has to be! We have a… blackout!” whispered my brother.

  8. It was as if darkness took away my sight. It was a dark and stormy night when all of a sudden zzzzz. The lights went out. My sister screamed in horror of the darkness. I went to my mom to tell her the lights went out.

    • I think if you had started:

      “Zzzzz”
      The lights went out.
      It was as if the darkness…

      That would have been a stronger beginning.

      -Mr. Alfonso

  9. A woman scared, dogs howling. It looked like we had an apiffiny in our home .
    There was roars of bulldozers but it wasn’ bulldozers at all it was something much worse. It was a…stooooooooorm. The worst storm we had in years.

    • Epiphany is the word I think you’re looking for. BUT its definition is:

      the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi (Matthew 2:1–12).
      • the festival commemorating this on January 6.
      • a manifestation of a divine or supernatural being.
      • a moment of sudden revelation or insight.

      I’m not sure that epiphany works for your sentence. Maybe “chaotic” or “chaos” would work better.

  10. Dark Night!
    It was like if thick blankets were on top of us, darkening our vision. It was dark, and the only thing I could hear was my baby brother screaming. I could see nothing, only if turn on the flashlight. My heart begin to beat, because I thought something bad was going to happen to me and to my family.

    • I like the imagery of “thick blankets” Litzy! Nice touch. The sentence about turning on the flashlight is a bit confusing but so far, so good. I want to read more!

  11. Thunder.
    Did someone just turn off the lights? I couldn’t see was my hand and myself because it’s to pitch dark. I checked up stair just if there were anybody was there. Just than I heard a loud “BOOM”. I checked the window and I saw the thunder that made the racket.

  12. Has a storm ever ruind your whole Saturday? it happened to my moms entire day care at our house. It was a dark and stormy night and I was just watching t.v. with my niece and then…swoooosh all the lights tuned off!

    Two minutes later the babies were yelling ton da lights on!Next my mom says “Lucy did you tun off the liights off”she said in a worried voice “no” I replied in a the same voice as she did. It was barely 2:00 in the afternoon and it’s already dark out. Second our door that is locked and with a lock and it opened so wide that the door fell and we all went to my room to keep warm

    To Be Continued….

  13. Did your power go off in the middle of a storm? It was rainy and windy day, I was watching TV. Everything was ok, until the power turn off. It was dark as a night sky with no stars. I could hear my brother yelling. He thought a monster would come.

    • Did your power go off in the middle of a storm? Inside our home, it did and we were terrified!

      If you start with a question, Araceli, you may need to answer it right after to make sense. Just something for you to consider.

  14. Today it was a boring rainy day.It was soo boring because it was rainy day, that the lights went off. When the lights went off, we have to use candles because we have none flashlights at all. When we got the candles and set up all ready, we have to stay calmly until the lights came back on again. We sit still and quitely.

  15. It was a windy day my family and I got ready to eat until the electricity got shut off.We tried calling the electric company but they won t pick up! thena earth quake started to happen.We tried to run to shelter has fast as we could.

    • Whoa. Too many things happening in one short paragraph. Let’s just focus on the power going off Daniel. Good start!

  16. It was a dark, cold and a stormy night. then the lights went out. we saw lightnig and the rain. then we turned on some flashlights we plaied some games. I got tired and stoped playing.

    My dad made some thing to eat. then a lightnig bult hit the ground was loud. My sister ran. my mom was a sleep. My sister was so loud, I said “Don`t yell!”

    Finaly we went to bed and the next day the lights came on. We went out to eat.

  17. Pitch black.
    One dark night,there was a humungous storm that let none of us get to sleep.All of a sudden,something struck the roof…..ZZZZZZZZAP.The lights flickered and one second later they went out.I was so afraid that the lightswitches weren’t working.Then there was a scream that came from my parents room.But because of the dark that was blinding my sight,I was not able to help them,so I stayed where I was and listened to their screams of horror.

    • Wow. I’m impressed Kyle! I want to know what happens next!

      You could work on leaving spaces between sentences because it looks crammed up. Give it some space to breath ok?

  18. Lightning.
    I was at home alone I was on my labtop I saw a bolt of light stricking down I heard a strange noise. After that, I started walking back to my labtop. Next thing I know
    I was in the middle of darkness.It was as if some one put a really black cloth over my eyes.I strugled to find my way to my labtop I found it and I grabed it and put it away, I heard the noise again the lights came back on, I whent to get
    my labtop and there the lights whent out again
    and I felt a cloth, the lights came back on, there was a ghost that started coming
    to me the lights went out my heart started
    racing I started to sweat and when the lights
    came back on there was nothing there anymore.

    • First of all, spaces, Adrian. You need spaces in between your sentences. I like how you said you were in “the middle of darkness.”

      This was supposed to be an introductory paragraph. It seems like you wrapped this story in one paragraph. We’ll work on expanding this into three or four paragraphs.

      Great starting effort!

  19. Th storm pain. The huge, unforgetable storm that happened right before my eyes. He was just waiting paitently right outside the door. When Melissa opened it, it went crazy and… “Boom!” His eye’s went into darkness. It was as if Melissa were in space because while she was holding the door she flew into the air. It was horrifying. Their life was in pain. But luckily their back today and their feeling okay.

    • Oops. This is my fault. I had you write an intro paragraph for the wrong prompt. This one is about having the lights go out at home during the storm.

  20. Darkness. It was as if it snuck up behind me and covered me with a blanket of darkness.The thunder danced with glee. The wind screamed as it went around the house.

    I could hear the terrifying scream of my sister when the lights went out. I couldn’t see a thing in front of me. All I could do was listen to the blood curdling scream.

    This seemed more like a nightmare then a blackout. There was a flicker of light that lead to my mom’s room. I went to follow it when I found my self in a room of light. My mom saw me in the corner of her eye. She turn to tell me that the light will come back on.

  21. Darkness. It was as if it snuck up behind me and covered me with a blanket of darkness.The thunder danced with glee. The wind screamed as it went around the house.

    I could hear the terrifying scream of my sister when the lights went out. I couldn’t see a thing in front of me. All I could do was listen to the blood curdling scream.

    This seemed more like a nightmare then a blackout. There was a flicker of light that lead to my mom’s room. I went to follow it when I found my self in a room of light. My mom saw me in the corner of her eye. She turn to tell me that the light will come back on.

    My sister was playing a game with serenity. My mom was lisining to the news on the radio. Imari was sound asleep. I was reading by the dim candel light. In the next hour the lights came back on. We all were relived that the lights finally came back on.

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