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Focusing on Writing…

…paid off.

We took a look at sample paragraphs written by 5th graders. We examined one sample that had received a 4 in Ideas/Content, a 4 in Organization, and a 4 in Conventions. As a class, we found examples of how the writer used sensory writing and transitions.

Then we set off to write one together. We came up with a few ideas using a graphic organizer and from notes about how to “hook” readers into your story. This is what we came up with:

Darkness.
It was as if he sneaked behind me and covered my eyes. My heart began to race because I could no longer see. The power went out in our classroom during this gigantic storm!

“Zzzzpppt!” A circuit shorted out and we heard a few yells of panic. Calmly, our teacher turned on his flashlight and opened the blinds to allow light to come in. It was as if we were traveling through an endless tunnel of night and at last we found our exit.

Suddenly, flashes of light came down from the heavens. Explosions of dynamite went off outside our classroom. The thunder was so deafening. My mind became confused and I started to see double. I saw myself struck by a bolt of lightning as if Zeus himself threw it down. My entire life flashed before my eyes.

“Who wants to play ‘Heads-Up, Seven Up?”
“Meeeeeee” replied the class sounding like a bunch of chipmunks! The lights came back on, we smiled at one another, and relief filled our hearts…

The highlight of this exercise was when one student asked,

“Can we make this into a movie?”

The whole class was in agreement and completely excited. Totally worth the effort…

eettalfonso

One Comment

  1. It was a dark and windy day .When I was in the class and my teacher Mr.Alfonso went to go get some stuff at the office. So we had some group leader has to watch us. Then for a little while after my teacher came and he forgot his key in the class room.Then my friend open the door and Mr.Alfonso forgot to step out of the red line so he got hit by the door and there were alittle blood on his face so everybody grabed him and took him to his chair and then after that he woke up and he said what happen. The class said nothing so and thats what happened on a rainyday .

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