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How Was Your Off-Track Time?

beach

Students will include a topic sentence, at least two EVIDENCE sentences with one ANALYSIS sentence each, and a concluding sentence. Sentence variety will be included as well.

eettalfonso

42 Comments

  1.     I had a great time while I was off track. I went to my grandma’s house. Going to my grandmas house I had fun we went to the Martin Luther King march I sat in the bus that Rosa Parks sat in. To spend time with my uncle. I went to Reno to visit him.It was fun in Reno we went to eat sushi ( it was nasty). Off track time is great for me.

    • I like the example of what you did with your grandma.You could work on the way you say your sentences.This paragraph is very good.

  2.     I had a great while we were off track. Exitedly, I went to Los Angles for chinese new year. At Disney Land, we had lots of fun. To see my cousins made me feel happy. We also went to Scandia and fun. Off track time meant a lot to me.

    • Vivian, I don’t see a specific EVIDENCE sentence. You seem to hop from topic to topic like a list. Write a more definite EVIDENCE sentence which you can support with details in your ANALYSIS sentences.

      “I went to Nevada over the break. Spending time in Las Vegas was amazing. To swim in the freezing cold waters of Lake Tahoe will be something I will never forget.”

      Both ANALYSIS sentences support that I went to Nevada.

  3. I had a good off track time.Spending time with my family was fun!In my backyard I played games with my cousin.Happily I got to spend more time working on my music.To spend more time on my music made me feel very excited.My off track time was awesome.

    • Johanna, please indent your paragraph. I like what you’ve written so far but maybe you can be a bit more specific about what it’s like to work on music. Do you play an instrument? Are you singing?

  4.      During off-track time I had a wonderful break. On the last week of off-track time,Dad took us to Home Town Buffet. We ate all of food and desserts at Home Town Buffet. To spend time with my family at Home Town Buffet made me feel glad. Excitedly, we went to the park.Dad bought us little control cars and we were racing them at the park.We played tag,flied our kites,and played soccer.Being off-track was excellent.

  5. My off track was good. First of all i sprain my ankel. Then i had to go to the hospital and they checked it out and they said i sprain it so they gave me some cream to put on my ankel. Suddenly it started to rain. When it rained it got my bike wet so the chain got rusty so i had to get a new chain. Being off track was wonderful.

  6. I had a great time being off track.Spending extra time being with my brothers .To have fun and play games with each other. Happily I had more time to study.Like reading ,math, and even pratice my old homework.Being off track was really great for me.

  7.      I had a wonderful time off track. Christmas was awsome in 2013. At my house, we opened our presents and then we made sugar cookies. Spending, time with my family was excellent. Unexpectedly , my cousins from San Gabriel came to spend Christmas with us. Being off track was the best.

  8. I had a good off-track time. Spending time with my dad was fun. To spend time with my dad we went to many stores. Going to my dads house was great. It was great because I got a lot of toys. Going off-track was fun.

  9.     Part of my off-track was great,but the other part was a little sad. During part of my vacation was emotional. It was sad because we lost a close friend.At first we were sad but we moved on. The second part of my vacation was great. Amazingly i got more time with my family. At the movie theater i saw many movies with my parents. My off-track time was happy and sad.

  10.     I had a fantastic time off-track. During my time off,I went to many of my relatives houses. At my relatives house I received lots of money because of a special tradition. Another thing is that I got to spend time with my family. To spend time with my mom and little sister makes me feel happy. Excitedly,I was able to spend more time with my cousins. My time off was wonderful.

  11. I had a great off-track time. Happily, I went to Lake Tahoe with my friends and family. My grampa rented the RV . At the arcade, Me and my friends played all day. Getting alot for chrismas makes me feel happy. I got video games. I also got a laptop and a tablet. Being off-track is fun.

    • Hi Alvin. I get a little lost trying to figure out what your EVIDENCE sentence is. You went from traveling, to going to an arcade to Christmas gifts. You may need to rewrite.

  12.      My off track time was fantastic. It was fantastic because I went to Six Flags with my family and cousins. At Six Flags, me and my cousin went on Medusa. The funnest part of my off t rack time was going to John’s Incredible Pizza. To go to John’s Incredible Pizza, made me feel very happy. Going to John’s Incredible made me feel happy because I got to spend time with my family. I had an amazing off track time!

    • Hi Pedro. You used John’s Incredible Pizza three times in a row. Could you think of another way to talk about that place instead of using the name several times. So far, it’s a solid paragraph!

  13.     I had a excellent time when I was off-track. Spending time with my family was amazing and fun.We played lots of games and spend time together by traveling every where.Mostly, I spend lots of time with my mom and dad.We played dancing games at my house on the Wii.Being off-track was amazing.

    • Great paragraph Rhea. I would make sure to correct the spacing. Some of your sentences have no space after the period.

  14. I had a great time being off track. it was very peaceful. I got some rest. Going to my brothers baseball practices was very exciting. every single day at the park. Excitedly, i rode my new scooter i ride it around the block. Also, at the park. Being off track is wonderful.

    • Some of your sentences don’t make sense. “Also, at the park.” – It’s not a complete thought. Why is there a sentence between your brother’s practice and “every single day…” Please revise Jasmine. Thanks!

  15.     I had a great off-track time. Joyfully me and my family went to Mexico. To be in Mexico made me feel great until we had to leave. Visiting my family during off-track was really great. I got to visit so much family! Being off-track has been amazing.

    • Hmmmmm. Gabriel, you might want to watch how many times you use great. It feels repetitive. Tell me why it felt great maybe?

  16. I had a wonderful off track time so i went to go and took a break from school. So then I got home and then took a rest from school. So I was deciding to go someplace fun. I realized that I had fun at my off track time before I left so i went to disneyland when that was done then I realized that I mostly had a very fun off track time from taking a rest from school!

    • Hi Benjamin. Please copy and paste the code to indent your paragraph. I cannot tell your EVIDENCE sentences from your ANALYSIS sentences. I’m having a hard time understanding your paragraph.

  17.     I had a wonderful time OFF-TRACK. One reason my time off was wonderfulis because of special holidays. Bursting, the colored lights explode, lighting the night sky on January 1st, 12:00 A.M. On January

    Incomplete

  18.     Sadly off track time was horrible.When i was off track i was at my brothers house for 5 weeks.All i did for 5 weeks is baby sit Kylee and Jayden,play with my brothers pit bull,and go shopping .The other thing that was horrible is that i went to the hospital at 4am.whating for the labor doctor to tell us if she was in labor was terrifing it would

    INCOMPLETE

    • Whoa. Sorry about your time off Alyssa. When you copy and paste to finish your paragraph, put spaces in between the sentences please.

  19. My off track time was fantastic. It was fantastic because I went to Six Flags with my family and cousins. At Six Flags, me and my cousin went on Medusa. The funnest part of my off track time was going to John’s Incredible Pizza. To go to the pizza place, made me feel very happy. Going to the restaurant made me feel happy because I got to spend time with my family. I had an amazing off track time!

  20. I had a excellent time when I was off-track. Spending time with my family was amazing and fun. We played lots of games and spend time together by traveling every where. Mostly, I spend lots of time with my mom and dad. We played dancing games at my house on the Wii. Being off-track was amazing.

  21. I had a great off-track time. Joyfully me and my family went to Mexico. To be in Mexico made me feel very happy until we had to leave. Visiting my family during off-track was really nice. I got to visit so much family! Being off-track has been amazing.

  22.     I had an awesome time OFF-TRACK. One reason my time off was wonderful is because of the special holidays. Bursting, the colored lights explode, lighting the night sky on January 1st, 12:00 A.M. On January 30th-31st was Chinese New Years, when we receive red envelopes filled with money, from adults. Mostly, I spent my time on my I pad. I watched all day and partly night. To watch videos help me find new series to watch. OFF-TRACK time was absolutely splended!

  23.     I had a great time when we were off track. I went to Los Angeles over the break for chinese new year. We went to china town and bot a lot of stuff for chinese new year. We also got to see the lion dance! Then I went to see my cousins

    INCOMPLETE

  24. I had an amazing time off-track. The best part was going to the mall. To be going to the mall made me excited because I can buy stuff like clothes,shoes,and maybe some candles to make my room smell good. Going to my grandma’s house often makes me feel happy. Seeing my 1 years old cousin toddling to the door saying “hi” makes me feel shocked. Being off track was awesome

  25.     I had a great time when we were off track. I went to Los Angeles over the break for chinese new year. We went to china town and bot a lot of stuff for chinese new year. We also got to see the lion dance! Then I went to see my cousins in Fontana. In Fontana we went to a place called Skandia. To spent time with my cousins makes me feel happy. This is something that I will never forget. Off track means a lot to me.

  26. Their are three things are important to me.Is running,scooder raceing,family are important to me.Running is important because running is heathly for you to get energize.Running is important to me.Scooder raceing is important because if you race more you will get better at it. Scooder raceing is important to me.Family is important because you get to send time with my family.Family is important to me.Running,scooder raceing,family is important.Running help you get energize. Scooder raceing help you get better at scooder raceing.Family helps you because your family can get together.

  27.         Off-track time was a blast. I got a dog and shes a girl dog. Basically,dogs like slepping but mine dose’nt all she wants to do is play all the time but shes cute(brown nd white spots) but she bites really HARD!. Epiclly on 1/31/14 it was my unkles birth day. Because his birth day it made the best off-track time,when we went there was a micanical bull so thats why I said it was the best. Off-track time really was not a wast of my time it was…AWSOME.

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